Post Op Memory

I vaguely remember drops of fluid coming from my nose and being aware I had a CSF leak. I really don't have any memory of anything else post operatively although I appear to have sent messages to friends and family and uploaded pictures from my phone onto facebook! 

My next memory was a terrifying belief that people were talking about me and that there was a very real conspiracy to kill me. I had no idea what was happening or where I was and what's more I was unable to speak. 

I've decided the ICU Psychosis warrants it's own entry.

Here and Now

It has taken a while to write.
My surgery date was March 20th and initially it appeared all was going 'well'. I woke from the anaesthetic with absolute numbness on the left side of my face. To start with I did think I'd had a stroke. When I told the staff they said it can happen after an MVD but that it should improve in 'time'. I have come to realise that 'time' is non-specific in a surgical world. Someone told me 6 weeks, another told me 6-12 weeks and someone else told me it could take months, in fact, up to 18 months for the numbness to subside. Of course there is also the possibility that this numbness will never go and that the nerve is damaged, but I truly can't afford to think like that. 

I've decided to try and not look at time scales and look at my recovery as my own personal journey. And what a journey it has been.