Feeling Vulnerable

I've put off writing about my feelings of being vulnerable because I know this hurts the most. I am a 39 year old woman, I am married and I have a 5 year old little boy. I have been in charge of a busy hospital ward, I own a house and drive a car. I look after my own finances and pay my own bills. However, for the past 2 years at least I have been unable to function more and more and have now reached a point where I rely heavily on other people. I no longer get my own groceries or my own laundry. If Sarah is going out or visiting her Parents, my Mum takes her place and 'supports' me in taking care of myself and Harry. I get scared if Harry and I are alone, because my pain levels can alter within seconds. If that happens I am unable to take care of me, let alone a young child. At night I take medication which, assuming the pain isn't too great, will knock me out and I worry that I won't be able to wake up for Harry. If I need extra medication and Harry needed me, there is no way I would hear him. If he was unwell, I wouldn't know. If he had a nightmare, I wouldn't be there to comfort him. So, to avoid any of that happening, I am never alone with him at night. That makes me feel completely incapable and unable to take care of my own child. I'm ashamed to admit that I can only function if someone else is with me, most of the time. It truly terrifies me that I am so vulnerable. Without my Mum we would almost definitely be a family in crisis and on the days where both Sarah and I are unable to function, if we didn't have my Mum I have no idea how we would cope. Some people have said that we would cope, because we'd find the strength for Harry's sake. I can only speak personally, but when my pain level is at its worst, there is no chance of me being able to stand up and prepare food or do the things that Harry would need throughout the day. The most I can achieve on those days, is to go to the bathroom, drink something that is given to me and find a comfortable position for my head.