Comparison

We all know that everyone is different. As individuals we respond to everything in a different way; situations, personalities, politics, religion, education, medication and yes, evidently we respond to surgery very differently too. Of course it isn't just our response, it is our experience. No two people will ever be the same when they have a craniotomy and surgery on something as delicate and intricate as a nerve. We KNOW this to be true and we also know that recovery will vary in every single person in the world even if they have guidelines and 'expected' results, we won't all fit within certain time frames etc. It is obvious that my surgery wasn't straight forward. Not least because there was so much bleeding during surgery, but also because of the serious complications that came afterwards. The physical, emotional and psychological effects of brain surgery aren't something you can plan in fine detail, even if you have an 'idea' of how you'd like it to be, we have no idea what will happen and how our actual complete recovery will be.

I had a conversation today with someone who is 4 weeks post op. I found some of what she talked about very familiar, the tiredness, the aches and pains and the reality that you've had brain surgery. But there were many aspects of her recovery that I couldn't understand and didn't relate to. Firstly, she is TN pain free! She has some pain from the surgery site, but the TN pain has actually gone. Also, her surgery and recovery went to plan and time frames were as predicted. I can't imagine how those things felt or feel. I'm 10 months on and I felt inadequate and found I was defending myself for 'existing' this way. I no longer leave the house, for which I felt criticised as another person pushes herself to do things for her child. I felt as though I was being told I wasn't trying hard enough and at this point in time, I can honestly say, I am.

Any joy that a person feels can be dented, squashed and belittled when we compare ourselves to someone else. It is easier said than done, but very wise not to compare ourselves to anyone.

                                           
                                                              Image by Nikki Samuel