I've made no secret of the fact that I rarely leave the house or take part in activities. However, in the last few weeks a few small things have happened in my life. The first, which sounds like a negative thing, is I managed to take a tumble and fractured a bone in my right hand. It's nothing serious, more inconvenient than anything, but it has meant a few trips to the hospital, forcing me out of the house! I resented having to go and each time I did pay a price for being in that hot, dry environment and feeling stressed. Each time I had to increase my medication and try to pass out. But, at the same time I heard a little voice, whispering in my good ear, that if I could attend the emergency department, unplanned and spontaneously, then perhaps I need to put that same energy into other things.
The Winter has been long and hard for many of us and the colder weather is such a big trigger that I do tend to hibernate until the Spring. But, 2 weeks ago I made the decision to go and watch Harry at his swimming lesson. He only started a few months ago and the weather hasn't allowed me to go. The heat at the swimming pool is almost unbearable and would have been impossible if going in after being outside in the freezing cold. But, on this particular day, the sun was shining and I was feeling determined. I'd been told that Harry was doing well, but I've been desperate to see him for myself. I have to be honest, for a 30 minute swimming lesson I don't recall feeling any pain! Not only that, we were both as excited that I was there and he thoroughly enjoyed showing me what he could do. During that lesson, I was the proudest Mum in the world, with a very happy little boy. So, perhaps there was something in this idea of distraction.
A week later was Harry's first school play/musical and again I was feeling determined. I just couldn't miss it. It was hot in the school hall, but my eyes were fixed on my little chap, who blew my mind. He looked at me, puffed out his chest and performed his heart out. He put emotion into every line he sang and smiled his way through, looking over at us at every opportunity. The performance lasted a little over an hour and I can honestly say that although I had moments of intense pain, I had approximately 30 minutes where I felt no pain at all! What I had, was a happy little boy who was thrilled to have both of his Parents there. I was so proud, I cried happy tears.
Just this morning, Harry and I were on our own for a few hours, for a while we were chatting and laughing and both excited that after several weeks we'd finally achieved something on one of his Xbox games. For roughly half an hour I don't recall feeling any pain. I was distracted by being silly and playful and having fun. We were both happy little souls and on reflection, these times of silliness, laughter and pain free moments are more frequent than I realised.
Distraction really works. My mistake was not taking baby steps but trying to achieve big goals. But when you feel determined, when you want something bad enough, distraction is possible. It might not happen every time, but it DOES happen. I am now an advocate for the potential of distraction and the benefits for people with chronic pain. The idea is to aim small, on something that really motivates. It will be something different for everyone and will potentially give different results. For me, being with my Son is by far the biggest motivating factor and although I need to accept that I'll still miss things and that not everything will be possible, new opportunities and periods of distraction from the pain are very real. If it means being able to share more of the joy, with little or no pain, I will never be dismissive of distraction again. I feel grounded and a small, yet significant sense of hope.
Image by Nikki Samuel
Image by Nikki Samuel
Beautiful story! THANKS!
ReplyDeleteAn inspiring write and distraction therapy one we too would strongly advocate. When the motivation is high distraction - supported with medications and adaptations necessary to the individual really does have it's place.
ReplyDeleteI'm so pleased hope has come your way :-) Keep writing Nikki, we all love to read along with your journey xx
You've made me cry happy tears and my heart is happy to know that you were able to find hope, joy and such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment, Nikki! Thinking 'small' is difficult, indeed, but knowing that the light does exist at the other end of that tunnel hopefully will help you through the dark spots, too! Great share!!!
ReplyDeleteYou brought up a great point, and that is the fact distraction does not have to be a major undertaking. For me, my major distraction is knitting. I tell my partner, the worse the pain, the bigger the project. One time I knitted him a scarf that went down to his knees.
ReplyDeleteKaren Brigham 14 April 2014
ReplyDeleteYou have discovered the same little secret that I recently found. Nikki , this is the most helpful and well written blog I've ever read. I agree with everything you said because for me it's art, drawing and also being with my daughters for short outings. Not marathon shopping trips. But seeing them perform on stage in their plays or a treat to a salon for a manicure or pedicure with them. Now that spring is here. I'm am going to get out of the house and be a part of the world more often. Distraction works.
I was there to see most of these moments,the look on your face as you became lost in yours and Harry's world.It was something I rarely see as most mothers take these times for granted.Now you have put it into your words which in turn will help others suffering in a world of pain.So proud of you love mumx
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this and has reminded me to use my own distraction techniques xx
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ReplyDeleteI love this Nikki!! xxx
Teresa
You've managed to describe one of the best anti-pain techniques that there is, and have made it accessible (and attractive) to many people. I'm thrilled to read this, and I think a lot of people will get a lot of benefit from it.
ReplyDeleteDear Nikki,
ReplyDeleteI feel as if I know you and well. Mainly because we are walking parallel AD paths, me in the US and you across the pond. All that you have expressed, I could echo a resounding YES to, maybe not out loud because that would hurt too much, but inside where real connections register and resonate.
You, even with your disabilities, have done valiant things for our cause to raise awareness so never underestimate what you contribute in big and subtle ways. I don't have the energy to follow many blogs, but yours is one that I look forward to reading. People used to tell me that I was a purveyor of HOPE and now I can't seem to reach that part of myself anymore either. I am personally tired of berating myself for that, focusing on so many losses, not being able to rise to so many occasions, and the list goes on. I think it's now time to focus on amnesty instead, to let up on ourselves, forgive ourselves and "let it be", whatever "it" may be on a particular day.
Like you, I've read the books (even the ones you referenced), tried various types of therapy, and have a spiritual counselor. They have all taken me back home to myself to decide everyday the kind of person that I want to be, most especially to myself, and my loved ones, of course. My new mantra is "when I can; I do and when I can't; I don't. On this AD journey, I'm definitely a work in progress. Much love to you, Braveheart