Enough

Have you heard the saying, 'I wish you enough'? 

Well, the story is about an old lady who is at the airport, saying goodbye to her Daughter. Somebody close by heard her say, 'I wish you enough'. After her Daughter had gone through the gate, this person was believed to ask what it meant. According to the story, this was her explanation.

"When we say, 'I wish you enough' we are wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". She explained that it was passed down by generations and continued to recite what she obviously knew by heart.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

Author Unknown

I often think about saying or writing this wish to people, but have always avoided it. I don't want to be too clichéd or feel I have to explain it. I worry that it might sound as though it lacked sincerity. However,  I really like the sentiment.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines the meaning of the word 'enough' as, '

As much or as many as required'. Surely what one person considers to be the ideal amount, a suitable level or appropriate measure will be different to the next person? But the biggest factor in this of course, depends entirely on the subject or topic you're talking about. It could be any of the things written above in the story, in fact it could mean anything.

As somebody with chronic pain I use or think the word 'enough', quite a lot. I describe myself as 'not enough' or 'not good enough' and live with feelings of inadequacy most of the time. I don't earn enough because I can't work, I haven't played with Harry enough because I've had to rest or I didn't achieve enough today because I was struggling with medication side effects. The list could go on. Some may say that it's easier or that we're more inclined to focus on the negatives and I'm sure there is some truth in that. However, I can honestly tell you that there's nothing 'easy' about believing you aren't good enough. But this is the reality, in my experience, of most people who live with chronic pain.

Unrelenting, debilitating chronic pain is exhausting. The implications and the effects of chronic pain are devastating. Depression and feelings of low self esteem caused by chronic pain are truly horrendous. Yet, despite this, you can be enough, achieve enough and feel enough. It's really a matter of realising, that within your limitations, you are here and in some small way, you are experiencing life.

I live for the moments when I feel nice and however short they are, I have to accept that they're enough. I know that I achieve what I can, when I can and either way, I'm not inadequate. I might have days and days where I feel it, but I have moments where I know it's not true. For as long as my life has to be dictated at some level, by this griping, burning, zapping pain in my head and face, I will accept, when I can, that I am enough, I am giving enough and that moments of happiness are infinitely better than not allowing yourself to see them or feel them.

Every single person is given the opportunity to have enough, if they let themselves. The secret is finding the way and not allowing the pain to mask everything that's good in your life. I don't manage this all the time, not even every week, but I'm learning and eventually I'll start to notice other times where I'm being given enough. 

I refuse to live my whole life feeling inadequate. Right now I'll accept that they'll be days, maybe longer, but I won't let myself miss out on having and being and feeling 'enough'.

To anyone who might be reading this,

I wish you enough.

Nikki

                                  Graphics created and owned by Nikki Samuel